Labels, acronyms
They ain't on my passport..
Don't identify, complete or make up me..
Free gifts cruelest of lotteries.
Depression, anxiety, FND Complex PTSD
Joined the party..
Took the piss..
Thumbed a lift..
Thrown in the mix..
Buried and lost for a bit..
Then..
Pulled out the hedgerow
As this 'Let's pretend I've got my shit together' hobo wanders on by..
Never on trend..
Mind broke far too young..
Eyes exploded fire double barrelled gun..
Emotional wreckages blocked up
With fat stubby thumbs..
So..
Spent a lifetime being a spanner
When a whole toolkit was needed to mend all the bits..
Though I never forgot my manners..
My mother and father worked way too hard..
Blood sweat and fears left too many scars..
There ain't no box of tricks..
Just a multitude of complexities
As I pick up sticks
Alongside the stones
Thrown..
Meant to break my bones
And names meant to hurt me
Decades walked alongside me
Lived quietly amongst the whispers..
Like..
A pair of 'Not mentioned much'
'Not talked about' two spinster weird sisters..
Imaginary friends for shadows
One step two step..
A line I plucked from the 'Brooke'
Stepping stones to keep on going
Support when slippery under foot..
The self doubt, the turnabout..
Stalking me on the way to my emotional gallows..
Emotional intelligence so drained..
The creaking sign swinging in the wind..
Declares a drought..
I thought I could fake it..
Turns out it can't be feigned..
Feels like a farce..
You know the can’t be arsed..
Can’t cry can’t laugh..
Forgot to extinguish the fire before it burnt out.
The numbness so numb
Too lethargic to run..
Don't want to be in
Don't want to be out
Don't know anymore what it's all about.
No one sees me but me..
Is a lie I tell myself..
As my procrastination gathers dust on itself..
Feeding the begging bony fingers
On the hands of my mental health
People have lives to lead
Their own cuts to bleed
I've sat quietly in the queue at A & E
Another statistical data file to fill in later
Under S for surreal
Here's the deal..
The costs off the scale mate..
It don't discriminate..
It ain't interested fella..
Doesn't care if you're Dick or a Nigella..
No gender equality..
The health that's mental..
Mass infection across society..
Yet the receipt states zero..
I'll tell you that for free.
Welcome to my noggin
Whilst my memory it's robbin'
Recollections are fallin' and droppin'
Memory stealers are squatting at..
No1 Grey Matter Mews..
Been there so long..
I bore myself with explaining..
The same old worn out excuse..
I didn't choose this inextricably complicated web..
Inexplicably dangling from every corner inside my noggin bone..
My skull, my brain, my head..
I don't understand myself
So why would you instead?
Not convinced I ever did..
I could never really find myself
So I guess I never hid.
.
The day I lost any sense of me
I'd barely even lived..
The day I lost any sense of me
I was just another kid..
So..
I've just wandered within a caricature of myself
Hoping it would do
You know, blend in with magnolia walls
Not get found out for a fool..